Monday, February 19, 2007

don't they go by in a blink?

i was late this morning. well, it wasn't the 1st time, but today i was half an hour late. apparently, it was traffic. and i was like, what do you expect, it's monday. i was even singing tori amos' i don't like mondays in my head ("i want to shoot the whole day down... shoot it all down..."), while still being optimistic about getting to the MRT at 7. but when i found myself still stuck in commonwealth after 20 mins, i knew there must be a commotion somewhere.

then my brother, who was driving me to quezon ave, got a text from our mom that a taxi driver was shot in commonwealth, hence the traffic. it made me cringe just hearing that someone died of murder, but it didn't really register in my feeble mind that we'd actually see it. well, we did. or at least my brother saw the whole thing. as we inched closer to the site, my brother told me not to look, so i didn't. i thought i'd be brave enough but as i saw that the front part was facing us, and the corpse still there, i covered my eyes just in time not to see the dead man's face. and i had goosebumps for like a minute and cried for no specific reason, which just made my colds worse.

well, i guess i'm just always scared to hear of people dying. i mean, we could die any minute, in a blink, just like that. and then what?

back in college, i remember a friend saying how death is so final. and i also remember telling him how i was scared to die because i haven't gone to confession yet (that time) and he told me, that's why we should make sure that we are always in the state of grace. and though i try to do that for myself, i worry about my loved ones... like in this dream i had some weeks back. in the dream, it was a Good Friday, and all that was happening implied that the coming Easter, would be the last Easter, and then, it would be judgment day. and there i was worried sick trying to figure out how to tell my family, my aunts, everyone... then i got to watch Constantine some days after the creepy dream and this dialogue between Gabriel and Constantine kept ringing in my head:

G: you still trying to buy your way into heaven?
C: what about the minions i've sent back? that alone should guarantee my entry.
G: how many times have i told you? that's not the way this works.
C: why, haven't i served Him enough? what does He want from me?
G: only the usual. self-sacrifice. belief.

G: you're handed this precious gift, right? each one of you granted redemption from the Creator - murderers, rapists, molesters - all of you just have to repent, and God takes you into His bosom. in all the worlds and all the universe, no other creature can make such a boast, save man.
ehm, what am i trying to drive at, exactly? well, i guess, at how lucky we are. in a few days it will be Lent again. perhaps it would be best if we try to contemplate what it is about, and hopefully grow deeper in love with Christ. God bless, everyone. :)