Saturday, April 14, 2007

the waiting game

i guess you can say i'm the type who usually forgets to live in the present. i like to plan things, and i don't mind waiting. actually, i like it. it’s weird how i get overly excited about a big event but be ever so nonchalant about it on the day itself.

i've read f. scott fitzgerald’s the beautiful and damned and this line just struck me:
“things are sweeter when they’re lost. i know – because once i wanted something and got it. it was the only thing i ever wanted badly, dot. and when i got it, it turned to dust in my hands... i’ve often thought that if i hadn’t got what i wanted things might have been different with me. i might have found something in my mind and enjoyed putting it in circulation. i might have been content with the work of it, and had some sweet vanity out of the success. i suppose that at one time i could have had anything i wanted, within reason, but that was the only thing i ever wanted with any fervor. and that taught me you can’t have anything, you can’t have anything at all. because desire just cheats you. it’s like a sunbeam skipping here and there about a room. it stops and gilds some inconsequential object, and we poor fools try to grasp it – but when we do the sunbeam moves on to something else, and you’ve got the inconsequential part, but the glitter that made you want it is gone.”

i guess this explains why i relish more in the waiting than the event itself. but i don’t want it to be the case – i don’t want to lose the “glitter”. but it seems that at some point, it’d be inevitable, and that scares me. =S

anyway, i realized how engrossed i can be - thinking about the future, planning things, waiting, dreaming... (i am the star, after all!=P refer to previous entry) that i fail to see what’s in front of me, what’s happening at the moment.

"every day you wait is another day you'll never get back."

well, that just knocked some sense into me. and so, i resolve to multitask! :D to still wait, still (day)dream, but to remember to seize the day as well (have i not learned anything from horace?=P) and just how, i dunno. but it will come to me. :)
oh, btw! i finally cut myself some slack and bought a cute top from that store at glorietta that we always pass by on our way to the MRT. i've been eyeing it for weeks (have i mentioned i like to wait?=P) and i told my friend that if nobody's bought it yet til our next pay day, i'd buy it na. i was even wishing that it wouldn't look good on me when i try it on so i wouldn't have to spend some cash, but... well, nuff said. =P