spring break
it's the first day of doing nothing. i woke up at past 12 noon, but that's still not good enough cos i slept at around 4am. this would only last a week, then it's back to the grind.
the quarter has been tough for me. i took 16 units, like i did in fall. i thought i'd have it easier than last time but the classes were a tad more difficult. plus i had a lot going on. i'd have to remind myself that there'll always be 'contingencies', though it's not like i can really prepare for them anyway.
it's funny how i never had the time to talk to a psychiatrist (which a lot of people had suggested me to do), but i write more often in this blog now. i used to post only once a month... then my insomnia happened, and some emotional baggage that comes with living alone. i find it crazy sometimes, how i just start tearing up while trying to study at that depressing spot in green lib. i'm in my own cubicle and no one could see me so i guess it's okay. but still! i just know i used to be NOT like that. and no, it's never about academics. i've convinced myself not to worry about grades, but only about whether i'm actually learning. but i'd be so happy if i get all A's. not gonna happen. so i'd rephrase that and say that i'd be ecstatic if i don't get a B+ or below. sorry, i don't mean to talk about grades. moving on...
i kind of want to go to LA and visit my aunt. but i knew i won't be able to wake up at 5am and go on a 5 or 6-hr drive down south with amanda (especially since i fell asleep at 4am, i could actually hear people leaving their apartments, probably on their way to the airport). my aunt was the one who helped me get settled here. she bought me a lot of stuff - kitchenwares, bed sheets, etc, etc. she took care of me for the 1st 2 weeks i've been in the US. she's my godmother, a very generous person. she bought me my 1st polly pocket when i was a kid. people close to me would know how my aunts are a very big part of my life. i won't even start on how lucky i am (and my cousins) to have them cos that would just make me tear up even more. i'm sad right now because of some stuff going on with her but i can't really share it here (i don't really know who reads my posts except for the few friends who know about this blog ever since i put it up years ago). all i want is for me to have a chance to be the one to provide them a comfortable life this time. too bad i still have a quarter left and i can't start working just yet.
contingencies - that seems to be the word for the day today. i wrote in an essay before, how i kind of knew even when i was younger, what i wanted to do with my life. it hasn't changed very much. i'd still want to do engineering (i'm already an engineer!), i'd still want to get married and be a mom. i remember asking my college crush what age he wants to get married (not to me of course, just a random question!) and he said 23. he's turning 27 and he's still not married. he's not even in a relationship. everytime we see each other (which is like once a year) i remind him that. he's not waiting for me is he (i'm kidding!)? anyway, my point is, circumstances change, and so do people (as i've said before). i thought it would be nice to get married at 26, to work only for 5 years then settle down and be a housewife. :P i'm already 26 and still not engaged. a lot of people around me, even classmates that are younger than me, already are. but i'm okay with it. right now, with the things going on around me, i don't even know where i'll be after grad or if i'll get married next year or the year after that. i definitely won't propose to anyone, that's for sure! people ask me if i'll be staying here in the US. not too sure about that, or if i want to. i had a long talk with my aunt last night and i guess i know where i should be, and try hard to get there. so the plans i have for myself would have to take a back seat.
deep breath. someone told me to take deep breaths and let it take toxins out with it. it's helped me a lot, in calming myself down and keeping myself from hyperventilating or having anxiety attacks. :D some friends think i'm quite calm for a person taking a full load. i can't really say. i kind of caused my parents to worry a lot about me this quarter and that's not good. anyway, glad that's over. what i learned from it is that, just as in running, breathing techniques help with one's endurance.
now, spring break! stuff to do: evaluate courses, clean my apartment, run a lot, take pictures, cook healthy dishes, catch up on my reading, and enjoy napa!
oh yeah, i'm back to reading murakami again: hard-boiled wonderland and the end of the world. timely, huh?
the quarter has been tough for me. i took 16 units, like i did in fall. i thought i'd have it easier than last time but the classes were a tad more difficult. plus i had a lot going on. i'd have to remind myself that there'll always be 'contingencies', though it's not like i can really prepare for them anyway.
it's funny how i never had the time to talk to a psychiatrist (which a lot of people had suggested me to do), but i write more often in this blog now. i used to post only once a month... then my insomnia happened, and some emotional baggage that comes with living alone. i find it crazy sometimes, how i just start tearing up while trying to study at that depressing spot in green lib. i'm in my own cubicle and no one could see me so i guess it's okay. but still! i just know i used to be NOT like that. and no, it's never about academics. i've convinced myself not to worry about grades, but only about whether i'm actually learning. but i'd be so happy if i get all A's. not gonna happen. so i'd rephrase that and say that i'd be ecstatic if i don't get a B+ or below. sorry, i don't mean to talk about grades. moving on...
i kind of want to go to LA and visit my aunt. but i knew i won't be able to wake up at 5am and go on a 5 or 6-hr drive down south with amanda (especially since i fell asleep at 4am, i could actually hear people leaving their apartments, probably on their way to the airport). my aunt was the one who helped me get settled here. she bought me a lot of stuff - kitchenwares, bed sheets, etc, etc. she took care of me for the 1st 2 weeks i've been in the US. she's my godmother, a very generous person. she bought me my 1st polly pocket when i was a kid. people close to me would know how my aunts are a very big part of my life. i won't even start on how lucky i am (and my cousins) to have them cos that would just make me tear up even more. i'm sad right now because of some stuff going on with her but i can't really share it here (i don't really know who reads my posts except for the few friends who know about this blog ever since i put it up years ago). all i want is for me to have a chance to be the one to provide them a comfortable life this time. too bad i still have a quarter left and i can't start working just yet.
contingencies - that seems to be the word for the day today. i wrote in an essay before, how i kind of knew even when i was younger, what i wanted to do with my life. it hasn't changed very much. i'd still want to do engineering (i'm already an engineer!), i'd still want to get married and be a mom. i remember asking my college crush what age he wants to get married (not to me of course, just a random question!) and he said 23. he's turning 27 and he's still not married. he's not even in a relationship. everytime we see each other (which is like once a year) i remind him that. he's not waiting for me is he (i'm kidding!)? anyway, my point is, circumstances change, and so do people (as i've said before). i thought it would be nice to get married at 26, to work only for 5 years then settle down and be a housewife. :P i'm already 26 and still not engaged. a lot of people around me, even classmates that are younger than me, already are. but i'm okay with it. right now, with the things going on around me, i don't even know where i'll be after grad or if i'll get married next year or the year after that. i definitely won't propose to anyone, that's for sure! people ask me if i'll be staying here in the US. not too sure about that, or if i want to. i had a long talk with my aunt last night and i guess i know where i should be, and try hard to get there. so the plans i have for myself would have to take a back seat.
deep breath. someone told me to take deep breaths and let it take toxins out with it. it's helped me a lot, in calming myself down and keeping myself from hyperventilating or having anxiety attacks. :D some friends think i'm quite calm for a person taking a full load. i can't really say. i kind of caused my parents to worry a lot about me this quarter and that's not good. anyway, glad that's over. what i learned from it is that, just as in running, breathing techniques help with one's endurance.
now, spring break! stuff to do: evaluate courses, clean my apartment, run a lot, take pictures, cook healthy dishes, catch up on my reading, and enjoy napa!
oh yeah, i'm back to reading murakami again: hard-boiled wonderland and the end of the world. timely, huh?
posted by christinesixteen at 2:01 PM
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