Thursday, May 01, 2008


...was about to book my flight when i realized i have already maxed out my credit card. :D anyway, i'll be leaving again for singapore about 2 weeks from now, and i'm still not quite ready to, because i know this time it would be months before i'd be going back home. april 20 is still so surreal to me, especially since i just arrived in manila that time and was trying to make up for my lack of sleep on the plane, when i had suddenly been awaken by a phone call telling me that i got the job i applied for. or rather, i was praying for. if you're as sleepy as i was then, you probably wouldn't have believed it was true either.

...just learned that my work pass has already been approved, which is kind of surprising since i only submitted the application form last week and that i thought it would take 3-4 weeks to be processed. so technically, i could start on my new job right now. gad, everything's happening so fast... and now i'm left with 2 weeks to shop, pack, be trained for independent living, and say my farewells.

...hate to admit it but i've been crying for 2 nights now... just cos i don't want to leave home. apparently, i have this attachment to places, and to everything they remind me of. i hate to leave home cos i'll miss my family, especially my mom. just the thought that i'd be away from her makes tears stream down my cheeks already (and yes, i'm sniffing right now, so make that 3 nights :D). sometimes i do ask myself if i'm making the right decision. and i'd like to believe that i am, and that i'm doing it for the right reasons too. hence, i will definitely leave home and just try to be a grown up about it. a bit scared right now. because looking back, it does seem that everything i ever wanted, or prayed for dearly, has been granted to me (except maybe that highly improbable wish that i top the board exam, hahaha :D). i wished for my then-crush to like me and he did (and he became my boyfriend too, yay me!). i wished that i'd get in at the university i wanted with the course of my choice, and i did. i wished that i'd get accepted in this company i really liked, and i did. then i wished for that job abroad, THE job where i showed up for interview trying to look all smart and witty, and i got it. so how was that scary? well, my pessimist self is now bracing herself for the not-so-good fortune that might come her way to balance it. i do try to push that thought aside and just be happy and thankful for all these blessings, but sometimes i just get too paranoid, it's crazy. and so i shall remind myself more often: omnia in bonum, everything for the good.

...remember this quote i recited to my dad when he was discouraging me to work abroad, saying i wasn't ready:

there is a tide in the affairs of men
which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune
omitted, all the voyage of their life
is bound in shallows and miseries.
- julius caesar, william shakespeare

it's funny how just a few months ago, my father was even trying to bribe me not to work abroad, and now he's being supportive of it. :P i just hope he'd be based there as well so he'd be the one to pay the rent and cook for me.. i'm kidding, i'm kidding... well, i just miss him, and have been quite worried about him lately. so i really wish he'd get a high-paying job there that's enough to make him leave the job he has right now.

...need to drink my milk now and be off to sleep. so bye!